Dashboard Confessional

to God be the Glory

2007-02-13T12:22:00.000+08:00

i guess since we pretty much know that we're going to heaven once we know Jesus Christ the only question is how much we are going to regret our lives on earth...

Give of your best to the Master;
Give of the strength of your youth.
Throw your soul’s fresh, glowing ardor
Into the battle for truth.
Jesus has set the example,
Dauntless was He, young and brave.
Give Him your loyal devotion;
Give Him the best that you have.

Give of your best to the Master;
Give of the strength of your youth.
Clad in salvation’s full armor,
Join in the battle for truth.

Give of your best to the Master;
Give Him first place in your heart.
Give Him first place in your service;
Consecrate every part.
Give, and to you will be given;
God His beloved Son gave.
Gratefully seeking to serve Him,
Give Him the best that you have.

Give of your best to the Master;
Give of the strength of your youth.
Clad in salvation’s full armor,
Join in the battle for truth.

Give of your best to the Master;
Naught else is worthy His love.
He gave Himself for your ransom,
Gave up His glory above.
Laid down His life without murmur,
You from sin’s ruin to save.
Give Him your heart’s adoration;
Give Him the best that you have.

Give of your best to the Master;
Give of the strength of your youth.
Clad in salvation’s full armor,
Join in the battle for truth.

red right ankle

2006-07-31T03:14:00.000+08:00

In a perfect world, if we could honestly talk about feelings and thoughts and blurring smoking guns like that, would the world really would be a better place. Some days I wish we could. Then we'd preserve all the relationships we want to keep and lose all those we don't appreciate.

Except that, in reality, most people too many emotions to keep in constant update. And since there is this plethora of possible emotions, natural probability, all things being equal, suggests that the chances that two emotions coincide, is very very low. So, chances are, very very few people would be happy and well you'd end up hurting all these people unintentionally and it just be a disaster and we'd all die from like over-communication or mouth strains or some forsaken thing.

But if we honestly feel this way, is knowing better in general?

I don't know. I think honestly though, I’m happier this way, with the sporadic days of extreme joy and extreme pain associated with the release of pent up emotion. And the eternity of not- great days safe days in the shadow of not knowing.

I think hugh grant should be prime minister of Britain. Then the UK would no longer be an American lap dog. And following suit John Howard would no longer be bush's sheriff. And all alone in the uncivilised world American would finally lose it's unchallenged hegemony and go back to being a controllable super power. And we'd have world peace.

Sometimes I think I think too much about stupid things that shouldn't be over analysed but taken for their surface worth. In this sudden angst ridden MTV generation no body seems superficial enough anymore. Life would probably be a lot better if we stopped bogging it down with paranoia and imaginary baggage.

And maybe if we listened to more music from the seventies the bleakness of the past could illuminate our futures. We’d have like these wing tipped rose tinted huge shades that's just make everything cool.

But well I write from here at wits end. And at this port we do much wishing

Love Machine, Arctic Monkeys (cover)

2006-07-18T02:00:00.000+08:00

And maybe someday we’ll have been friends forever and it will be enough and the length of time will make our friendship self sufficient like one of those new hdb estates that slowly becomes it’s own new town and it’s just enough.

Today was a bit of a terrible day. Even scrubs and Becker were sad. And grey’s just well mostly it made you want to just top yourself. I have this book. It’s called today was a terrible day. One of those kids books that is like 4 pages long but has in recent years become incredibly expensive you know. I don’t get it I mean the writing’s not great, the illustrations are so so in most of these things and they’re for like two year olds who are going to eat them anyway so what are you paying for really.

Somehow, for reasons I still don’t understand, all these Alexis Strum songs have popped up on my playlist so it’s been an uninspiring lot.

When I blog I type in tiny font and honestly it’s because the smaller it is, the more difficult to read, the smaller the readership and thus the more honest the writing. Or at least that’s what I tell myself. But mostly it’s a lie.

Do you ever feel like your words are trapped in the segment of your fingers that’s right before your fingertips and if you ramble on for long enough material will eventually flow. That reminds me of that movie, you know the one about the famous writer who is training this kid to be a writer and he got him to just keep copying a book till finally the motion became so unconscious that the literature just kind of flowed out of him. Perhaps all literature is in us just dying to get out suppressed by our consciousness.

And maybe one day the length of our friendship will be enough and I’ll stop counting down to our dateline.

Someday real soon my paranoias are really going to get me into trouble and I’ll just lose everyone and spontaneously combust. Even that’s paranoia. God I just can’t win today.

Amovie script ending - DCfC

2006-05-31T03:22:00.000+08:00

Opening lines are always the hardest to write. Once you know your opening you know your tone your theme your plot. And don’t let anyone tell you any different. This is perhaps why so many novels begin with I or once upon a time or some other borrowed existence. Maybe that’s why the hardest things in the world to say are in short sentences. With no preamble maybe we don’t see how we could ever psychologically prepare our selves for awesome truths like I’m sorry, I do, I love you, I’m dying. Mostly though it’s because when you have something important to say you don’t want the statement to become cluttered by cumbersome words and expressions.

The power of the succinct. I wish someone would tell my pastor.

Sometimes I suppose people are like that. And when they’ve left our lives so changed we sit in their wake and wonder how that happened with someone who’s time pocket should not have allowed them that sort of impact. If life were about proportionate representation. But if it remains a concept elusive to governments and leaders how can we expect mere plebeians to understand.

I wonder why it is that most people say the most important things to strangers. Why so many people call SOS numbers instead of their closest friends. And well if people do call SOS numbers and they are our friends then does that mean that we have failed them?

And what do we do about the people who suddenly leave our lives. If friends are each intended to fulfill then what do we do when someone leaves us? If everyone in our lives is like a card in a cosmic wallet then what do you do when your credit card gets clipped? Do you replace it with the same DBS MasterCard or do you try another bank to see if heir plans are a better fit?

Sometimes it seems strange to me that relationships have definite endings but friendships don’t. I mean the average person has probably has had more close friends that have made a meaningful impact then lovers. So in which case how come we put so much energy into our sexual relationships but not our emotional ones and how come we don’t get to break up with our friends. I bet friendships the world over could have been saved by the honest conversation that most dread in relationships.

But don’t listen to me I’m mostly crazy.

we are no where and it's nothing, Bright Eyes

2006-05-25T02:17:00.000+08:00

It’s the truth universally known that just as you are about to give up something comes along that forces you to renew your faith. Honestly the whole sine graph shebang is exhausting

please please don't eat the daisies, doris day

2006-05-19T02:52:00.001+08:00

I officially have like a hundred tv channels. from two. whoop!

A diana's diana. the lily's

2006-05-01T21:24:00.000+08:00

darken the statements that are true to you. italise the statements that you wish are true. leave the fibs alone. then, stab 5 people to do the same test.

i miss somebody right now
i don't watch tv these days

i own lots of books.
i wear glasses or contact lenses.
i love to play video games.
i've tried marijuana.
i have been in a threesome.
i have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship
i believe honesty is the best policy.
i curse sometimes.( I don’t really know whether to put it in italics because I wish it was sometimes)
i have changed mentally a lot over the last year.
i carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
i'm TOTALLY smart.
i've broken someone's bones.
i'm paranoid sometimes.( once again, sometimes in italics)
i would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, cost-free and scar-free.
i need money right now.
i love sushi.
i talk really, really fast.
i have long hair.
i have lost money in Las Vegas.
i have at least one sibling.
i have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past.
i couldn't survive without caller id.
i like the way i look.
i am usually pessimistic.
i have a lot of mood swings.
i have a hidden talent
i'm always hyper no matter how much sugar i have.
i have a lot of friends.
i am currently single!
i have pecked someone of the same sex.
i enjoy talking on the phone.
i practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
i love to shop.
i enjoy window shopping.
i would rather shop than eat.
i don't hate anyone. i dislike them.
i'm a pretty good dancer.
i'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
i have a cell phone.
i believe in God.
i watch mtv on a daily basis.
i have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.
i've rejected someone before.
i have no idea what i want to do for the rest of my life.
i want to have children in the future.
i have changed a diaper before.
i've called the cops on a friend before.
i'm not allergic to anything.
i have a lot to learn.
i have been with someone at least 10 years older or younger.
i am shy around the opposite sex.
i have tried alcohol before.
i have made a move on a friend's significant other or crush in the past.
i own the "South Park" movie.
i would die for my best friends.
i think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza.
i have used my sexuality to advance my career.
i love Michael Jackson, scandals and all.
halloween is awesome because you get free candy.
i watch Spongebob Squarepants and i like it.
i have dated a close friend's ex.
i am happy at this moment! Kinda, I guess. I’m not sad?
i'm obsessed with guys.
Democrat.
i am punk rockish.
i am preppy.
i study for tests most of the time.
i tie my shoelaces differently from anyone else i've ever met.
i can work on a car.
i love my job. (I wish I had a job?)
i am comfortable with who i am right now.
i have more than just my ears pierced.
i walk barefoot whenever i can.
i have jumped off a bridge.

i love sea turtles
i spend ridiculous money on makeup.
i plan on achieving a major goal/dream.
i'm proficient in a musical instrument.
i worked at McDonald's restaurant.
i hate office jobs.
i love sci-fi movies.
i went to college out of state.
i like sausages.
i love kisses.
i fall for the worst people.
i adore bright colours.
i can't live without black eyeliner.
i don't know why the hell i just did this stupid thing.
i usually like covers better than originals.
i can pick things up with my toes. And press buttons!
i can't whistle.
i can move my tongue in waves, much like a snake's slither.
i have ridden/owned a horse.
i still have every journal i've ever written in.
i can't stick to a diet.
i talk in my sleep
i try to forget things by drowning them out with loads of distractions.
climbing trees is a brilliant past-time.
i have jazz in my blood.
i wear a toe ring.
i have a tattoo.
i can't stand at LEAST one person that i work with.
i am a caffeine junkie.
i cosplay or know what cosplaying is.
i have been to over 15 conventions.
i will collect anything, the more nonsensical, the better.
i'm an artist.
i only clean my room when necessary.
i like a person of the same sex.( I dunno maybe? It seems easier )
i love being happy.
i am an adrenaline junkie.

Swans(life after death) , The Islands.

2006-04-28T16:37:00.000+08:00

I've had so many entries to write over the last two weeks but now they're all disappeared. Black vesper’s pageants. heh. You see last week or some incredibly long time ago, after my com had just returned from the shop and another one of it's sick visits, it refused to stay on when turned on. The screen would come on for five seconds and then just suddenly die. The only way to resuscitate was to turn the screen of and then on again. But seriously how practical is that when trying to watch something like the OC. So, being the incompetent pigs that we are, my dad and I leave it off and wait for my mum to return. Four days into the fast and she does, and takes the monitor to the shop. Five days later they declare it to be in perfect health. So she takes the CPU. A day later, same verdict. So she pays the guy another hundred to come over and look at it in it's natural environment. And surprise surprise, he declares it to be fine. So my computer has joined everything else in my house, including the dog and the remote, in their design to drive us mad. Sigh. I had 40 pieces of mail. 40! Take that you stupid computer!

Anyway, the whole concept of going to university has become mind boggling to me. That a piece of paper could dictate your whole life. And determine whether you will be rich or poor. haggard or smart. happy or miserable. But then perhaps that is true of all our decisions, even the ones we don't notice like deciding to send a message or withholding a compliment or taking the bus instead of a cab. I think that perhaps the God factor is the only thing that sustains me amidst the randomness of life. haha but even when I was a kid I had really strange paranoias. Like what if God accidentally gives me someone else's fate, and I’m stuck with the wrong life. A life I was not created to withstand. As foolish as it may sound now you have to admit it explains most suicides. But I suppose well, maybe, just maybe, I might be wrong about that.

Oh and my baby has gone away! slowly but surely my support system is falling apart. I need new friends and I need them now. Should have traded my stupid friends in when they were worth more but now they're all leaving. The only people who are staying seem to be Rit, Tiff, Jo and Dawn. And Jo and Dawn are going to NTU!!! Which is FAR away! Sigh.

Well, anyway since I couldn't type this on wed night I suppose the rest of this entry should be dedicated to my baby. Because you think in strange insane ways and concoct unimaginable stereo types about Tamil tiger gangster girls and creatures. Because you could hold entire conversations about your toes, which are possibly the smallest visible, discussable body part. Because you could sing songs in public but were far too shy to discuss any matter one on one with a stranger. Because you attempted to limit my alcohol intake. Because you never yelled at me when you had to work with me and lead alongside me ( a punishment that should go right up there with hell). Because you'll be upset with the grammar in this paragraph and how I've stared everything with because. Because you were infinitely special and in loving me you made me special too. Because, in Dawn or Rachael's words (I'm not sure which) you light up our lives. And because of all this and so much more, yesterday, as I went past your house, as I walked into your office building I wanted to bawl (but thankfully in the presence of so many strange foreign people, didn't). And I will always miss you, just because you were our cow and now you will go off and be someone else's and it will never be the same again (though not in a Mel C way although now that awful song is playing in my head). But really all I wanted to say my darling, was thank you: for being there. For helping me survive my insanity. For never allowing me to feel paranoid about you. For giving me the strength to live without you.

unoriginal sin

2006-04-03T12:53:00.000+08:00

You Are Barney

You could have been an intellectual leader...

Instead, your whole life is an homage to beer

You will be remembered for: your beautiful singing voice and your burps

Your life philosophy: "There's nothing like beer to give you that inflated sense of self-esteem."

The Simpsons Personality Test

Wavin' bye to the train or the bus

2006-03-13T22:15:00.000+08:00

I hate the little green men that pop up on the msn screen because someone doesn't have a picture. That picture is like a clue, sometimes the only clue, about personalities, identities. And frankly I just hate the irregular shape and how it’s so jarring against the line of perfect boxes. And I hate the way my cursor sometimes disappears so I’m not typing even when I think that I am.

You wouldn't like me if you met me

2006-03-09T12:51:00.000+08:00

I have nothing to do. I'm so bored. It feels like the life is seeping out of me. Not even draining but slowing like trickling out like one of those math problems with dv/dt. Boredom corrodes the soul. Is that how you spell it. I dunno. I have to work. Omg how do people do this for months at a time it's so empty. Yesterday I downloaded like fourty songs. Think I'll end up breaking that record today.

A line allows progress, a circle does not

2006-03-09T12:20:00.000+08:00

Dumb test. How can there only be two types of dogs. I mean I assume that's what it means since 6-10 represents Rottweilers. I'm not that mean right? Right? I wouldn't mind but their so ugly. Doberman man. Sleek, black and insane. Wait actually (ref below) maybe i am quite cute. Shit so bored.

Ironic. a.m

2006-03-06T20:12:00.000+08:00

I have plunged from a world in stasis, eternally dull to one of infinite drama. In both senses. Still feel strangely empty though. Like lampposts that don't even notice storms. They're just kind of well there. I know that seems well rather an obvious thing to say but if you were inside my head you would understand. Yet a sudden revelation in church necessitates that I post this.

Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art
Thou my best Thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.

Be Thou my Wisdom, and Thou my true Word;
I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord;
Thou my great Father, I Thy true son;
Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.

Be Thou my battle Shield, Sword for the fight;
Be Thou my Dignity, Thou my Delight;
Thou my soul’s Shelter, Thou my high Tower:
Raise Thou me heavenward, O Power of my power.

Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise,
Thou mine Inheritance, now and always:
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,
High King of Heaven, my Treasure Thou art.

High King of Heaven, my victory won,
May I reach Heaven’s joys, O bright Heaven’s Sun!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my Vision, O Ruler of all.

Sometimes, no well most times I just feel so lost. And yet I know I shouldn’t. And well I think probably just suffer from a classic case of adolescence where the mind is just so much wiser than the heart but I just can't force myself into believing. And I have just become this strange ball of contradictions wanting something, but ignoring it when I do get it simply in pursuit of something else though not necessarily better. I put it down to a basic case of humanness. Someone told me once though that I simplify everything like that, putting it down to human nature and thus ignoring the obvious problem. I keeping just well talking about things without thinking them through so when I articulate my thoughts I'm like what on earth?! I feel like writing in long elegant prose or beautiful poetry or just well something flowy and light that disguises thoughts but my abilities are far too limited and now I just write plain unformed, malformed expressions of a well sorted but tightly wound mind. Asif writing long jumbled words make up. the confessions of an emotionally withered author.
Sometimes even I believe in my insane pompousness. Ignore all I've written above. Sometimes things just need to be said, but not heard. like the robots on Pluto Nash (strange eddie murphy movie). You know I wish people would understand that more often. That we mostly under-react but over-act. That little of what we say is truth, is an accurate capture of situation. But it's articulation is far more important than any truth. I think only children take this for granted. When you've grown up in an imaginary world, and spent most of your time talking to people in your head, you learn that the comfort is in the expression and not in the answer, because you see no body ever answers inside your head. And you learn to talk to real people but inside your head, hold full length conversations, so that very little of what actually needs to be said is ever articulated to the real person but yet it always gets better. And it's never the way you imagine, and people never act the way you expect them to but you start living in this quasi reality so that it doesn't even matter anymore. And now I'm just typing and my point's not even in there at all. Instead it's an excerpt of a blog entry I wrote in my head, the way I've written most of the entries that will never see the light of screen.
But my point! was... now I have to re-read the damn paragraph and I don't have the energy to so never mind. You know though it's funny but it's the memories that we need to capture most that never get photographed, the letters that need to be written that never hit the page and maybe because if it stays in your mind you can over-compensate, and pretend it was better or need be, worse then it actually, and then suddenly life seems a little more worth it, in postcards from wits end.

2006-02-22T19:38:00.000+08:00

Overview:
It's time for a new POV. Radically change how you relate to your physical presence. Maybe that means a new haircut. Maybe that means loving the miracle that is your body. Tell yourself how lovely you are -- and believe it.

What the hell ? Stupid horoscope! that's not even like reading the stars or anyything? it's just strange shitty advice. and it really sounds ratherr feminine. I feel sad for all the boy libras.

White shadows. Don't really know why i have this sudden thing for cold play

2006-02-22T18:58:00.000+08:00

I'm just filled with an overwhelming love for the world at large. Actually i think it's my medication giving me very strange mood swings. Just now it mad feel like a strange love sick puppy dog. I want to stop being sick now! now now now! You know how at the end of some tv programmes, those narrated ones, they always have like some lesson learnt, some philosophical quote or something? Like Grey's anatomy? Or that old Claire Daines drama series where she has dark hair? Blogs are like that in a way right? Our own little buy in? Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth. Anyway, partly because I grew up alone, mostly because I’m partially insane, like I think my consciousness plays it's own soundtrack in my mind at the end of a particularly trying day, and I stand outside myself and almost watch my life like it's on television, and I don't even own it anymore you know, just an offering now to the gods of experience if that makes any sense at all. I wonder if my life was on TV if I'd get good ratings. Think it'd be like Joan or the Gilmore girls type but with a far smaller following of a select few faithful fans who'll show the reruns to their children. The rather dull (actually) life of a neurotic over-worked idiot teenager. I need a cool side kick. That’s what’s missing.

Went to Harry’s yesterday to see Tanya. Really it’s like standing in the presence of greatness. They’re just such great show people. Sigh.

Oh and I had my first tuition session today!! This primary 6 girl. She’s like seriously pretty. But well I feel like I can look into her little soul and with my great visionary powers prophesy that she’ll become some rockers girl friend at fourteen, just pass her n levels, drop out before taking the O levels and end up a waitress at a nice hotel for just over a thousand dollars a month, married at 24, child in saddle. Isn’t it awful that I stereotype so? But really I think with very very good luck she’ll be an airhostess maybe. Just maybe. And it’s not that there’s anything wrong with that kind of life mind you, I mean her satisfaction level may well be higher than mine, but I guess it’s just the way we’re wired now, to associate success with maximizing ones academic potential and ignoring all our potential for love and affection and goodness but yea, I guess it would just be nice if she could grow up and be like an MP or something. You know, maybe we only want people to be successful because it somehow validates our own existence. That we made a difference in someone else’s life and they became great so even if we’re not great well we still made that difference. You know? Like what the food counter people at Bill Gates’ summer school who have at best had one five-minute conversation with him about old cheese can say to themselves. Except that it probably doesn’t even occur to them really. We just imagine that it should. Does that make sense?

Shiver

2006-02-20T20:51:00.000+08:00

Beautiful World. I agree

2006-02-18T22:26:00.000+08:00

Suddenly lulled into this strange purgatory by the sounds of cold play. Everyone I want to talk to is out or asleep after well what can only be described as a very eventful fun o rama. I wonder if it is true that we fall in lust out of sheer boredom. Just to have something to obsess about. But then how do you know when you're falling in love. If the feeling sticks even when you're supposed to be busy?? As I write this listening to yellow cold play offers me an answer. Cos you are all yellow. The Chinese people of this world are very lucky then. Caucasoid admirers pale in comparison to their lovers. Everyone always says that you'll just know. There will be this connection. But then don't you need a connection to be friends too? So is it like a different connection? Like USB and serial? And well if the first time you fall in love you've, for obvious reasons, never felt that way before, then how can you just know? How does that happen? I don't understand for my innocent little noob mind can't wrap itself around this one. And it was all yellow. Human beings are too complex. I think in truth, though please no one quote me on this, it'd be far easier to be a dolphin or a pig or an ape or something. Indeed I think I could quite take to being a camel. Those long lashes that idiotic humans spend billions trying to achieve. I wish I could be better to you but sometimes well it scares me too much because I know soon you'll leave me because everyone will eventually. I don't mean this in an angsty kill me now kill me now way. I mean logically life is about patterns and to quote Elliot Richards in Bedazzled " why does the existentialist situation have to be so bleak." So everything has end so what. Ah I don't really mean that. Don't pay any attention to me. I'm just a sad weathered bee. Fallout boy, sugar we're going down playing down. " Am I more than you bargained for” and sugar we're going down swinging. My speedstream DSL modem box quotes great words of wisdom " push your limits". What on earth does that mean with regards to a modem. A loaded God complex, cock it and pull it. I have to spend less money. Money is more than paper. New mantra.

Sugar we're going down. sigh

2006-02-13T00:09:00.000+08:00

I think postsecret is a life saver. Especially this very depressing Valentine’s Day. The day wit the second highest suicide rate. Next to Christmas of course. Today I forgot how to spell cold. I don’t think I can be an English teacher. I have nothing more to say I guess. This really feels like an out of body experience.

Sample!

Oh yesterday I went to k-box and they had ain’t no sunshine by Taufik!! Oh no.

Reader Beware. Very rambley post. six words long - weird al

2006-02-05T16:54:00.000+08:00

You cannot find a blog inquisitive what a strange thing to suggest. Since leaving school I’ve really stopped using punctuation marks. All through school I’ve disliked them and now suddenly, having been liberated from the watch of the strange drunk anal-retentive Cambridge markers I no longer feel the need to use them. I hope this explains my text messages. So today is actually the first day in a very long time that I am using them. Given how pedantic, and yes I suppose, annoying, I am about proper pronunciation this is strange isn’t it.

Anyway, let me stop my random very strange musings and get to the point. Having not blogged for so blog I think I might have become unfamiliar with being concise and other forms of blogging etiquette.

Wow I really go on don’t I. Sorry. Okay anyway, haven’t blogged in so long because if been completely exhausted. Job to drama to Holland to bed. It’s an insane ritual actually. I’m trying to find enough people to teach tuition to so that I can quit. I mean it’s fun and all that but really it’s just too much. And well I’m so used to being spoilt this has rather been a rude awakening for me. And oh man they keep speaking malay and hokkien to me and all I know how to do in those languages is like swear and ask for the toilet and bloody hell that’s not going to help with asking the cleaning aunty to wash the juice glasses. And they all swear in Cantonese like crazy. It’s a hawker’s paradise I swear. And I am starting to sound like them! I have to leave soon if I’m to get out alive. Sigh. But well I’ll miss the free food. The free very very good food. That would have eventually made me the size of a balloon. It’s early days yet though. Think I’ll stay on for a while longer. Cos I like working. And not at all for the chocolate truffle pie things.

2006-02-05T16:52:00.000+08:00

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Sharm!

To check whether sharm is safe to eat, drop her in a bowl of water; rotten sharm will sink, and fresh sharm will float.
It takes 8 minutes for light to travel from the Sun's surface to sharm.
Sharm never said 'Play it again, Sam'.
When sharm is swallowed, she will enter the blood stream within twenty minutes!
Fifty-two percent of Americans drink sharm.
Human beings are the only animals that copulate while facing sharm!
Only one child in twenty will be born on the day predicted by sharm.
Astronauts get taller when they are in sharm.
A cluster of bananas is called a hand and consists of 10 to 20 bananas, which are individually known as sharm!
Sharm can grow up to three feet in a 24 hour period!

Mr. Bojangles

2006-01-09T16:59:00.000+08:00

I have never felt more sad for my country. Seriously ia ma sure that there 20 experiences more UNIQUE to Singapore. This makes me very sad... http://www.visitsingapore.com/publish/stbportal/en/home/what_to_do/20_unique_things_to.html

our lack of unique activities for one.

vanguard -fall out boy (thanks for the recommendation)

2006-01-09T12:40:00.000+08:00

Well i haven't blogged properly in a really long time. I do plan these long entries as I'm walking home from places but I never get down to writing them. I have the attention span of _(insert animal with short attention span)_... Hmmm er a monkey? Oh hmm okay I have the attention span of a child who was brought up on sesame street. Oh except that I was brought up ion Sesame Street so that's an improper simile. Sorry okay I'll stop with the random grammar musings. I blame my mother for my strangeness.

Anyway nothing’s been happening. Got a job waitress-ing but it's really un fulfilling so I think I'm going to request to only work public holidays and weekends like this other girl there and do my internship during the week. Till I get my internship was thinking of volunteering or something. Or getting a job doing admin related stuff since the pays supposed to be better. Maybe I could teach? Haha okay no scratch that nevermind. I'd like scream at my students. Stuff along the line of " what's wrong with you! why don't you get it! are you stupid or just lazy!". I'm very intellectually arrogant and very condescending. A lethal cocktail. Leads to being very intolerant. Really I feel so sorry for all the people I have tried to teach math in JC. Once I got so angry with a contemporary not knowing his graphs that I demanded he sit there and practice drawing sin, cos and tan curves. I'm definitely Wanda the Wicked Witch of the West or something.

You know since the exams ended I have really learnt to appreciate the little things in peoples personalities. Just the way people say things or little gestures they make. I guess when you have nothing else you really hold on to the small stuff. In a really warped way I miss school and the opportunities it afforded me to interact with people. I mean I'm no hermit but you know, few friendships actually survive the not-having-anything-in-common syndrome and I guess I really miss the people I no longer get to be with all the time, the people who have suddenly and mysteriously disappeared from my life. It's actually very surprising who I still see and talk to and who I don't. I really really miss some people. I miss shu. I don't know where she's got to. I've been seeing the people from my class and from IJ a lot, but really I haven't seen any drama people. And it just feels very strange. I think we should do the breakfast we were planning now.

2006-01-09T00:36:00.000+08:00

Your Monster Profile

Ultima Lunatic

You Feast On: Peanut Butter

You Lurk Around In: Closets

You Especially Like to Torment: Lawyers

What's Your Monster Name?

2006-01-09T00:34:00.000+08:00

What Your Underwear Says About You

When you're bad, you're very bad. And when you're good, you're still trouble!

You're comfortable in your own skin - and don't care to impress anyone.

The Underwear Oracle

To 2006

2006-01-03T14:53:00.000+08:00

So long
Good bye to the nervous apprehension
I certainly won't miss ya
My heart is unable to stay so unstable no more

Go now
Leave this place and if you do not know how
You'll learn along the way
The road to rejection is better than no road at all

If I see your negative shadow
I will lead it from the room
A media-sized headache is not enough to break it
If you've already assumed the malediction

Certain
Kinds of people that we like to know, yeah
And others gotta go
If you wait 'til you're ready, then you'll never make an amends

Stephen Malkmus "Malediction"

Sunday Bloody Sunday

2005-12-24T17:08:00.000+08:00

Christmas Eve! If I don't blog soon, happy birthday God. Even though it's not really your birthday but ah, you know what I mean. Anyway, I think Pink Floyd got it right when they wrote time.You fritter and waste the hours in an off hand way...And then one day you find that ten years have got behind you. I know that's happening to me. Right now, my life just feels so purposeless. I just spend the whole day waiting to go out. And then it happens. And then, repeat process. I mean seriously isn't there something more I should be doing. And I keep thinking, okay, tomorrow I will. but then tomorrow comes and I just don't have the energy because I have expended it all sitting. Stoning is very sapping. I bet much of history has been retarded by laziness. Like the aeroplane should have been invented in 1000 a.d. but the man who was meant to do it got lazy. I mean, I know that's not true, God determines everything and it all follows his plan but well, you know what I mean.

I just wish people would realise that christmas is the season of forgiveness.

This norton anti-virus thing keeps poping up at me. Anyone know how to make it go away?

Anyway, current present count

girlies - M&M dispenser ( v. useful), strokes cd, very ugly hair clip, funny bitchy mini t-shirts
ju - boot earrings(cool), jazz cd, coke sign
nise - wallet (much needed), salmon mousse
mummy - perfume set (v nice), putumauo cd, music cd (unknown)
puppy - carrot

Stairway to Heaven

2005-12-20T01:49:00.000+08:00

There are so many completely random things to say but I just don't have the energy. 1) the crane at the site on Farrer Road is lit up with Christmas lights and there's a tree even a top the fancy crane. I guess the spirit is seriously in the air. 2) I have $2.82 in my bank account as of this moment that depresses me greatly and takes bucket loads away from my spirit. 3) I've watched 7 episodes of the Gilmore Girls today so I’m on a high. There are SO many great movies I haven't watched yet it's not even funny. I haven’t watched Casablanca! Obviously signs of a misspent youth. 4) there is a headline on Netscape today that seriously, and i mean SERIOUSLY says "finiding herself:mary-kate speaks out". I mean omg. Like yesterday, heard a report on the BBC about this bunch of guys who pissed off a bridge wearing Santa suits to protest the commercialisation of Christmas. Cos you know, once your windscreen gets hit by fresh pee, you're obviously inspired to find the true meaning behind Christmas. 5) I’m in love with fish from Chicken Little. It was love at first sight. Mock if you must, but when I’m 85 and delightfully happy with my fish, and you’re all divorced homeless people, don’t come running to me…

Hands

2005-12-18T01:48:00.000+08:00

to believe. that's all. I don't know. I miss you. But well, I just need to believe this then.

If i could tell the world just one thing
It would be that we're all ok
And not to worry 'cause worry is wasteful
And useless in times like these
I won't be made useless
I won't be idle with despair
I will gather myself around my faith
For light does the darkness most fear

We are god's eyes
God's hands
God's mind
We are god's eyes
God's hands
God's heart
We are god's eyes
God's hands
God's eyes
We are god's hands
We are god's hands

Jewel, hands

2005-12-13T15:41:00.000+08:00

Once, when I was young and true,
Someone left me sad-
Broke my brittle heart in two;
And that is very bad.

Love is for unlucky folk,
Love is but a curse.
Once there was a heart I broke;
And that, I think, is worse.

Dorothy Parker, A Very Short Song

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2005-12-13T01:42:00.000+08:00

Slow and Steady

Your friends see you as painstaking and fussy.

They see you as very cautious, extremely careful, a slow and steady plodder.

It'd really surprise them if you ever did something impulsively or on the spur of the moment.

They expect you to examine everything carefully from every angle and then usually decide against it.

How Do People See You?

2005-12-13T01:39:00.000+08:00

In a Past Life...

You Were: A Lazy Sailor.

Where You Lived: Italy.

How You Died: Consumption.

Who Were You In a Past Life?

2005-12-13T01:38:00.000+08:00

Your World View

You are a fairly broadminded romantic and reasonably content.
You value kindness and try to live by your ideals.
You have strong need for security, which may be either emotional or material.

You respect truth and are flexible.
You like people, and they can readily make friends with you.
You are not very adventurous, but this does not bother you.

What Is Your World View?

2005-12-13T00:55:00.000+08:00

shit i'm damn depressed about my lack of comments now that the anti-spam things been implemented. This is very sad.

Fell in love with a girl - white stripes playlist

2005-12-12T12:54:00.000+08:00

I'm so bored i've been reading random blogs. Found this one about the doomsday scenario and jazz. http://analogspot.blogspot.com/. very funny though it may quite plausibly be unintentional. It's so awful to have this much free time. Even more awful to think that i'm complaining about having free time. Office workers and macdonalds' ladies alike are now going to stone me in my sleep. Bah humbug. Well christmas is coming so I guess I should get cracking on the damn shopping. Whee.

In other news, I have spent the last two days discussing allergies with people. Yesterday this woman at lunch, where I ate far tooo much because everyone was "allergic" to all this stuff go rashes eve though she didn't eat the deadly prawns because they apparently used the same pot to cook something else in. haha. I'm very happy with my lack of allergies. Except to gold, which I can definitely live with. And today, _ talked about being allergic to her christmas tree. A christmas tree! well i know _ is allergic to grass etc. Like pot porri gives her rashes. Gah. On this day, I am thankful that I am not a ball of rashes.

This is actually a rare type of mushroom but it's all I got when I searched for ball of rashes

It's true that we love one another -after this I'm not all too sure

2005-12-11T22:06:00.000+08:00

Now the story of our great clubbing debacle. You know truly, best friends do not necessarily make the best clubbing friends. Okay so we wanted to Gotham last night right? So we meet at my place and take a cab to merchant court. Not realsiing that he’s dropped us off at the hotel – Swisshotel merchant court, instead of Gotham’s Merchant’s Court. So we try to go up stairs to the third floor to look for Gotham. Except that the lift didn’t have a third floor!!! Our first clue. So finally we pluck up the courage to go to the front desk and she’s like okay it’s across from riverside point so walk down the side and just cross. Simple right? Wrong. We walk past Brewerkz. Etc. etc. etc. walk past people flying electronic kites which is totally super cool. Anyway, so we stop the cab and the uncle’s like of merchant’s court. Oh the one behind Liang Court? Oh it’s like a half an hour walk but a 4 minute cab ride. And then. And then. And then he drives away!!!!!! WTH. K never mind. Next cab. Now this guy doesn’t know HOW to get to merchants’ court. K so finally we call my mum and she gives use new directions to get across the river. Cos for some reason we couldn’t before. So we’ve done this right?

It gets better. So we go into Fish Tales and the sweet sweet man tells us to walk down the lane and turn in at the lift and take it to the third storey. So we walk. AN walk. Past Attica. Past loads of other things I don't remember. Finally, finally we turn in to this chinesy looking place and there's a lift. So we all pile in. And lo and behold. No level 3. Again. So find yet another site map. And we realised that the turinng was like two shops down from fish tales. and back we go. like the damned pied pipper i swear. All that " up and down and up and down, I will lead them up and down". Bloody hell. And guess what. When we finally get to Gotham bloody Penthouse, the bouncer in the lobby says " I am very sorry to inform you that the club is closed till 12:30 for a private function". Very sorry my ass. Okay actually he was really nice and stuff. Kinda like an extra large teddy bear, but I must vent. So then, we're like no, we can't have our clubbing attempt foiled again ( I'll get to why again later)., so let's go to Momo.So we go, and we get there before 11 so no cover. Music's great etc. But after all that effort that went into finding Gotham, we want to go back right? so at 12:20, we take our stuff from the front desk, ( the guy was like "leaving so early?' and _ was like no, we're going somewhere else. "haha) and we go BACK to Gotham. And when we get there guess what??????? "the private party only ends at 1a.m. I am very sorry. We tried to let members of the public in but the planners got very upset". My dear Mr. Bouncer, I truly hope that by some divine force you read this and feel the power of the truly very upset.

Okay, truthfully though t was kinda fun. It's just terribly sad that we're so jinxed. So we went back to momo. On the way home, our cab got hit by another car and thus hit the car in front of us. I've just had to write a report for the company so that the cab driver doesn't need to use his insurance to pay or something funny like that. Eventful?

Oh and the lst time we went clubbing together, the others all didn't bring their ICs!!!!!!!!! and the Chinablack people only take ICs! haha, so after I got in I tried to lend _ my IC. Except, when she got to the door, they were like hey, you're not Indian. haha shit. So they confiscated my ID. And when I went to pick it up the guy was like oh, this is a police offense. You lucky the police man not here yet ah. And just to inform you, you and your friend are banned form chinablack for a year. Except that they didn't take our details down but hey, that's a small detail eh? Actually the gotham people are far nicer. So anyway, now we have to go back since we went through all this trouble. Just waiting till everyone gets back from respective holidays. We're real noobs.

2005-12-10T11:46:00.000+08:00

Your Superhero Profile

Your Superhero Name is The Mighty Platypus
Your Superpower is Cursing
Your Weakness is Stuttering
Your Weapon is Your Air Battle Axe
Your Mode of Transportation is Bubble

What's your Superhero Name?

I'll be there for you

2005-12-05T06:48:00.000+08:00

10 Years Ago:

01. I had 1 best friend and we did everything together. We even had a pet chick. It got eaten by Grace’s cat.

02. I had a pink water bottle

03. I was really quite fat ( it began here!)

04. I won an award for being litter monitoress i.e. being clean (it ended here!)

05. I played with the kids in my block a lot and I wasn’t really allowed to go out but I didn’t really want to besides going to Grace’s so that was okay.

5 Years Ago:

01. I hated a lot of people and had really awful anger management classes

02. I listened to angsty music by linkin park or something like that

03. I might have been at camp in RI. The first time I met boys and wasn’t used to them and thus behaved very strangely as if they were a different species from us( I only discovered recently that the lines are rather blurry)

04. I started swearing because of this rather silly GEP boy who I never saw again but tainted me for all eternity. Hah.

05. I was very annoying

1 Year Ago:

01. We had recently finished buskers and might have been at the kids camp thingy. Don’t remember the dates. Thus I was very high on drama-ness. And constantly went out with the same gang. That fizzled out in j2.

02.

03. I was scared of J2

04. I was very angsty

05. I had a fight with someone about God ( I cheated and checked my blog)

Yesterday:

01. I was at brewerkz

02. I drank more then 10 beers

03. I threw up there. In public. And apparently at home though I don’t remember. Perhaps even in the cab

04. I was/am very very stupid

05. My phone died

5 Snacks I Like:

01. Chocolate. Preferably Cadbury’s. I am a plebian

02. Kettle chips

03. Piggies from Mark’s

04. Fries from Macdonald’s

05. Ice cream as long as it’s not Potong or a strange traditional flavour

5 Songs I Know All The Words To:

01. For the beauty of the earth

02. Love song for a saviour

03. It’s true that we love one another?

04. Six words long (I’m getting desperate)

05. ah…Hark the Herald angel’s sing. This is not my fault. My player got stolen!

If I Had A Billion Dollars:

01. Buy my parents a house

02. Put some in a college fund, some in a parents’-old-age fund

03. Buy lots of clothes. I keep thinking about clothes because of damn prom.

04. Buy a boat

05. Donate er a lot.

Favorite TV Shows:

01. LOST
02. Friends

03. Gilmore girls

04. Joan of Arcadia

05. CSI

5 Favorite Body Parts:

01. Hair

02. Thumb

03. Eyes

04. Hip bone

05. Tongue

2005-12-02T12:08:00.000+08:00

I miss my baby far away in a foreign country. hope the cows don't eat her

All the right friends -(R.E.M, not a statement)

2005-12-02T12:04:00.000+08:00

I keep planning these long ponderous posts in my head walking home but I just well can’t seem to be bothered to blog. Pfftttt… And now I am very hungry and still don’t have a dress for prom and have to go later. Again. To look at clothes that make me feel like a balloon. Gah.

I am increasingly communicating via a series of sounds. It’s kind of insane actually. I have like my own language that no one else understands. But well my darlings if everyone just listened… life would be far easier.

And _ introduced us to the joys of Will and Grace!!! Swoon. But it’s not true I say. I know gay men and they are nothing like that. How unfair to force people into having these romanticized notions of what it is to befriend gay men. Ah television is crap for stuff like that: like Friends does about living alone in New York; like the Practice and Boston Legal and what not do about law. Geez.

I suppose I should blog about school and memory lane and all that jazz. I in my Dory (Finding Nemo, not a general character trait of the fish in question) ways will forget everything soon enough but well; I really don’t know what to say. Which you might have guessed by now is uncommon for me. School was good and fun and strange and painful an a bazillion other emotions and I wish I still painted because this would just be so much easier to communicate. It was watching people play football with a cockroach, staying back until one in the morning and just collapsing on the lino unable to move, _’s dad and my mum coming to help us carry the stuff up as we literally had lost all our strength, it was one billion void deck conversations, watching people dance in the damn rain, screaming at _ for doing it to prevent pneumonia. And thus it was _ sitting in the void deck with only her sweater on because her blouse was soaked through. It was countless lectures, most of which we slept or played games through, like _ and _ and their paper chess games all through econs, and _’s dumb word games where whoever completes the word loses. It was walking around school barefoot and racing across the tarmac just for the heck of it. It was the hub and the studio and the NLs and everywhere else prominent in our lives there. It was Mr. _ calling me immoral for my low shorts and forcing me to give Karen a massage! (He later learnt to like me a lot! Beam). It was crying all through my promos and sitting there screaming back at _ and _ who were trying to force me to do work. It was watching as _ directed an entire room of scared teenagers when _ punched in the glass window and _ walking in to find them there, and making her first priority _’s cake. It was getting pyjamas from the _ on honours night and then almost getting thrown out of the event. It was discovering that boys equate free pizza with sex. It was being called snuffles and numerous other things as people mocked my dancing, and my glee at their shock when I could split (can split, I think). It was going for the hissoc seminar thing and spending ninety percent of the time in the void deck gossiping. It was sitting behind the bus stop across the road as they had their little BL (boston legal, don’t ask me why) fests, and getting the smoke in my hair. It was going to school and sitting in the damn void deck on Saturdays, even public holidays. You know, these past two years, I have been in school on every public holiday that occurs during the term period except for Labour Day (2005). It was losing the logbook and having _ find it and give it _ and that immense relief after I spent half of math lecture running around and thus promising to love him forever. It was playing DOTA that first time, that only time, that was awful and miserable and exciting all at the same time. It was smashing my phone (by accident) an d throwing it at irritants (not by accidents). It was decorating the giant lobby Christmas tree in j1. It was climbing over the back gate and getting caught by Mr. _. “ Do you want me to tell…” Bugger. It was braking the air conditioner to stay n the …

And I just realised that I wrote one page. And that every sentence started with “it was”. And there is this overwhelming feeling of sentimentality and nostalgia. But at the same time, of extreme bathos. Like it’s over, and we’ll move on, and it’s the things that never get said, that never get remembered that matter most. That it was the experience of being that I am nostalgic for which is strange given the number of poignant, disappointing. Frustrating moments that I wrote about, but candidly so that they suddenly becoming endearing, and suddenly the memory seems farcical almost, and incongruous with the truth, and yet I barely remember what I have just written. I’ll publish it anyway, but I apologise if it offends or upsets. Sometimes it’s just that we have snap shot moments in our minds that make us remember experiences in a way that only photographs can. And we long to cry over what s passed. But it seems so dumb, sentimental and well just silly. I suppose at the end of it all, it was an experience, and I can’t really say that I remember because with time my perspective’s changed and I am looking back with those rose tinted glass and blurry eyes of tears, but I can’t say that I regret and I guess, well I am grateful, to all those who were part of my experience. To those who are mentioned here, and to those who are not. To everyone who was even vaguely important to my existence, even if it was only for a split second.

And now, I realise that I have become completely incoherent. And my sentence structures have broken down ( like Othello!). So I will end here. And go back and blank out all the names to protect the memories and the memored. Memored? Remembered.

Do not weep for war is kind

2005-11-21T21:25:00.000+08:00

Haven’t written in like forever. Given that watching Harry Potter II inspired me to this, I'm not necessarily sure that that's a bad thing though. Anyway, as of today, I am three days to the end of an era, last paper of the A’s! Whee! It’s awful now though. Stuck in this limbo where I can’t have too much fun for fear of jinxing the paper, but there isn’t enough to study (or rather I don’t have the will power to find enough to study) to sustain me. So now I’m just stuck ala Stacy Orico. Strange reference. Nevermind that. Anyway, aaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiggggggggggggghhhhhhh. So close yet so far. It’s like the last bit of a long run when you just really want to collapse but you know you have to and if you just put in that tiny bit, well then for unknown reasons there are increasing returns to scale. Bloob.

Harry Potter was a microcosm of our society. I have to say, I feel kinda cheated by the new movie. No more Chris Columbus and although he was complete crap in the third one, well I suppose he eventually lives up to his names sake cos I suppose it was the best effort possible as compared to the rubbish fourth one. But maybe that was just our front row seats.

You know it is so strange but I think that I’m actually going to miss school and well this. I mean it was shit. But it was also fun like when you watch people do crazy pre-exam things, and its exhilarating and well, sometimes it beautiful, every time like your world feels like its breaking down and you get saved by a knight in shining armour aka the person next to you doing something bloody stupid but kinda sweet. It’s also like a fellowship, the fellowship of the string, ties that bind, for no one else understands really, why everything seems so trivial and significant at the same time. I was thinking that it’s like war, war the way Tim O’Brien describes it except that it’s not really cos that’s just us imposing. It’s just that language seems to fail us so often that we have to pluck out crazy parallels to explain life, and we strive to make people see the truth, our truth, even if it is a stretch of reality. Maybe that explains Ron’s escapades.

Note to self, stop saying kinda. And stop saying silly things. And stop watching the Gilmore Girls as it is highly depressing as Rory is unhot(like self) but gets string of hot boys (unlike self)

Sweet Lorriane

2005-09-16T00:06:00.000+08:00

Sorry I haven't been on for a while. I am attempting to study. “Attempting” being the operative word. I am so angry with the television.. It is just way too painful to watch lost and the OC in succession. Too much melodrama and bathos, nice and icy on the rocks. Which reminds me, I recently discovered something called evil tea. 2 oz Captain Morgan® Original spiced rum and 10 oz iced tea although I am yet to find out about this great sounding spiced rum. Okay. After the exams. I will not be suicidal about this. My phone is the most evil thing on earth. It does NOT tell me when my inbox is full or when I have new messages. I mean seriously, is that too much to ask? I mean all it does all day is sit around and be a phone. How much work can that take? Phones are very stupid. I found this long entry on my old blog about my reliance on my phone. I don’t know, I think something stupid happened that involved me not charging it, and it dying, and me spending the day without my phone being very whiny. Yea I suppose I was just anxious that my hordes of screaming fans would not be able to reach me. I was going to write an either very funny entry (but nothing very amusing happened except for shi thinking that I was going to unzip my pants and pee on the lamppost in school when I was standing in front of one on Tuesday, oh and of course there’s the very funny thing that happened but that I cannot write about here, involving a very sorry teacher, haha.), or a very insightful one about life, love, death and everything in between (but it turns out that I don’t have that many thoughts. Who would have thought.), so I will just qualify my randomness. There.

2005-09-11T18:39:00.000+08:00

"How happy is the blameless vestal's lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd;
Labour and rest, that equal periods keep;
"Obedient slumbers that can wake and weep;"
Desires compos'd, affections ever ev'n,
Tears that delight, and sighs that waft to Heav'n."

" In vain lost Eloisa weeps and prays,
Her heart still dictates, and her hand obeys.

Relentless walls! whose darksome round contains
Repentant sighs, and voluntary pains:
Ye rugged rocks! which holy knees have worn;
Ye grots and caverns shagg'd with horrid thorn!
Shrines! where their vigils pale-ey'd virgins keep,
And pitying saints, whose statues learn to weep!
Though cold like you, unmov'd, and silent grown,
I have not yet forgot myself to stone."

Extracts from Eloisa to Abelard. Alexander Pope.

"Peter Abailard (1079-1142), at thirty-eight a famous scholar, became at this time the tutor of Eloisa, the eighteen-year-old niece of Fulbert, the canon of Paris. Their passionate secret love resulted in Eloisa's conceiving, whereupon Abelard removed her to Brittany. After refusing to agree to marriage for a long time because it would ruin Abelard's career in the church, Eloisa finally consented and the couple returned to Paris for a secret wedding. But the uncle's anger revived. Abelard took Eloisa to a convent at Argenteuil where she was professed as a novice. Her uncle then paid ruffians to attack Abelard in his lodgings and castrate him. After his various attempts at monastic life, students again gathered about Abelard and built him the halls and church of the Paraclete, sixty miles from Paris. Further persecution by his enemies or fear of them eventually led him to accept the Abbey of St. Gildeas in Brittany. When Eloisa's nuns were expelled from Argenteuil, he offered them the Paraclete and visited them as a spiritual director, until his visits caused scandal. Eloisa began the correspondence after a letter, addressed to an unfortunate friend, describing his adversities as a means of comforting the friend, fell into her hands."

At my most beautiful. (heh)

2005-09-11T16:13:00.000+08:00

Mad Girl's Love Song

I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

The stars go waltzing out in blue and red,
And arbitrary blackness gallops in:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed
And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

God topples from the sky, hell's fires fade:
Exit seraphim and Satan's men:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I fancied you'd return the way you said,
But I grow old and I forget your name.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

I should have loved a thunderbird instead;
At least when spring comes they roar back again.
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

Sylvia Plath. Mad Girl’s love song.

This is in Villanelle Form by the way. Haha, my friend’s doing the Lit SATS and apparently they ask for crazy things like that. It’s form is incredibly complicated. Along the line of ABCCBAABC and so on, the last line’s ABCC. Why on earth would any decent 18-year-old know that?

Heartbreaker (This is a Very Important question)

2005-09-10T12:39:00.000+08:00

Okay don’t take this as an insult, but are the people who leave comments and then tell you about like insurance or health or debts real people? Or are they the blog-comment- board version of spam? Someone help me out here? Confused.

Oh, and I just realised that my titles are confusing. It’s actually just whatever is playing on the windows player thingy. I’m a simpleton you see.

Survival in the 21st Centuary

2005-09-09T01:05:00.000+08:00

Stormbringer

2005-09-09T01:02:00.000+08:00

My mother is the greatest woman on earth. She just bought champagne white chocolate mooncakes. For those of you ignorant to this great-taste-of-heaven-invention:

“The mooncake (Simplified Chinese: 月饼; Traditional Chinese: 月餅; pinyin: yuèbǐng) is a Chinese cake-like confection that is traditionally eaten during the Mid-Autumn Festival, although mooncakes can be eaten at other times throughout the year as well.

Mooncakes are round in shape to symbolize the moon. According to legend, when the Mongol Yuan Dynasty ruled China in the 14th century, Chinese rebels were able to overthrow the Mongols in part because they hid secret messages inside mooncakes, which the Mongols did not eat, that were then passed around.

Most mooncakes are made of ground lotus, or of bean or seed paste, and other ingredients, occasionally with egg yolks in the centre”. Reference, Wikapedia

Anyway, swoon, slice of heaven.

And if anyone knows how to get photos from a Nokia 3220 onto a computer, I’d appreciate all the help I can get.

Carry On, Questions... the questions of a thousand dreams

2005-09-08T00:37:00.000+08:00

So I just read the most hilarious blog on earth where this guy swore like 22 billion times per sentence (and that is only a Slight exaggeration). But since I am no allowed to swear anymore well bah. I don’t understand how one simple word can take on so many meanings. And really, what is so bad about that sweet little four letter word. It just takes on the meaning you intend it to right? So if you think that something is f***** fantastic, well then that is a GOOD thing right? Bizarre. But I’m quite happy being this sheep –follow-the-leader-type character, so I’ll buy the whole it’s just wrong argument. Well for now anyway. Maybe if I psych myself out, I’ll actually be successful at this not swearing thing for one whole day!

Today was, surprisingly, fun. It’s surprising how much fun you can have when to let go of your animosity and contempt. Truly surprising I say. I suppose that my state of shock is quite evident from the number of times I have said surprising so I’ll leave it at this.

Guess what. Every time I have said “surprising” in this entry, I spelt it wrong. Including that time. Thank God for spellcheck.

A Little Less Conversation - Note below.

2005-09-07T01:00:00.000+08:00

And through the poplars a tiny amount of light shone upon their hands. He felt the tenderness in her delicate skin, lightly rubbing her knuckles. Then he retracted his own to the safety of his pocket.

The promise of eternity in a touch, a look, a kiss. I just cannot bring myself to believe in that. Eternal love. Is that really possible? To love a fellow human being for that long? It seems more the product of cheap mass-produced valentine charms then an account of real romance grounded in reality. But then, I suppose love makes you do crazy things. Maybe I am just a cynic with my inexperience. But they call it falling in love for a reason right? I always assumed that it meant that you’d hit the bottom sometime. But perhaps these are just the musings of an over-critical literature student.

This is in part because my random friend has gone on holiday. Did you ever have one of those? The friend you call in between advertisements or when you’re walking home or when you’re just absolutely bored? The friend that doesn’t take offense despite your purely utilitarian motives at times? If you have no idea about what I am talking about, then you definitely need to find out. This you need far more then a visa any day. Don’t listen to advertisements. They lie.

I think that I’d make a terrible salesperson. I definitely cannot advertise.

I have just acquired a whole series of tom-jones-edwin-starr-elvis-other-similar-schmuck-type music. Very good.

Tragic or hilarious? there's a fine line between the two.

2005-09-05T23:25:00.000+08:00

Nazis' exploding chocolate plans

By Paul Reynolds
World affairs correspondent, BBC News website

German sabotage agents developed an exploding bar of chocolate and what was probably the first shoe-bomb during WWII.

German agents planned to use exploding bars of chocolate

Photographs of these and other devices, held in the files of the security service MI5, have been cleared for release by the National Archives.

The devices were intercepted by British intelligence in various locations, including Turkey, but there is no evidence that any such bombs were used - and certainly not in the UK.

These ingenious objects got no further than four explosive cans of peas, which were found on German agents who landed in Ireland by small boat and claimed that they hoped to get them into Buckingham Palace. Details of this plot were reported two years ago.

The latest pictures show how a bomb could be hidden inside a chocolate bar and how explosives could be disguised as the soles of a shoe.

It appears therefore that Richard Reid, who tried to blow up an airliner over the Atlantic in December 2001, was not the first would-be shoe bomber.

Nazi Germany planned attacks using explosive throat pastilles

In pictures

There were other examples of devices with explosives inside them - a tin of Smedley's plums, lumps of coal, cans of motor oil, shaving brushes and a mess tin.

Also released by the Archives from MI5 files are examples of German wartime propaganda aimed at the British population.

According to the official historian of MI5, Cambridge Professor Christopher Andrew, the German sabotage failure and the low standard of their propaganda are examples of their overall intelligence failure in the war.

"Why was German intelligence and propaganda so much worse than the Russian?" he asked.

"Possibly because Germans did not want to be spies. All German spies in Britain were caught and all were non-German.

The original shoe-bomb?: explosives disguised as soles

"German propaganda was incredibly bad. Some of it was Monty Python stuff. It illustrates the incompetence of German propaganda at the time.

"German espionage and sabotage in Britain reached the level of 100% incompetence in World War II."

'Apron strings'

One propaganda sheet is so bad that Professor Andrew thinks it might have been a spoof written by British civil servants.

Headed "Naziministerium des 3ten Deutsches Reiches", it says, in English: "To the men of Britain and Eire. You have proved yourselves a race of abject COWARDS unwilling to leave your Mamas' & Wifey's apron strings and FIGHT ME.YOU LICE, VERMIN, SPAWN of PROSTITUTES."

Other bombs would be planted inside coal, plums and motor oil

It goes on and on and includes some anti-Semitic remarks as might be expected.

Other pamphlets were a bit more sophisticated. One, issued before the war, starts: "My dear English reader, you may be surprised to receive a letter from Germany. I am a friend of English-German understanding."

There is also an interesting fake copy of the London Evening Standard, dated February 1940. Its headline reads: "The massacre of the RAF".

However it is so bad as to be laughable and again might even be a spoof.

It has a box in the top left hand corner which reads: "Take French laxative: it will keep you on the run."

Everybody hurts (appropriate. I hope you stop.)

2005-09-05T22:01:00.000+08:00

I think that we are defined by our needs. Every emotion is related to the degree to which our primal needs are satisfied. Okay, I lied. I am no sociologist. I ripped that off Marslow. Makes sense though. Sometimes we even become defined by our denial of these needs like food, security and sanctuary. In which case, it is these needs that make us human, that reveal our humanity.

On those scary nights when the world seems to close in on you and you feel completely abandoned, it is of course attractive to believe that needing only ever kills you slowly: build up walls and burn all bridges, reject before being rejected.

Yet, if our needs epitomize our humanity, then what a scary alternative this rejection represents. To be the shell of the man you once were.

Time -Pink Floyd

2005-09-05T01:05:00.000+08:00

Life biased by the cautious eye of a filmmaker. Not that I am a film maker of course, it’s just that sometimes I see myself as a separate entity, I watch myself, my actions, my thoughts panning out. I can see myself in two dimensions, the me that is living, breathing, existing, and the me I imagine I am, the instinctive me that exists only in a world without self control. Problem is, sometimes I feel like I lose control of that latter dimension and the most banal, primate, base instincts fill my mind, and I can literally feel them corrupting me. In a world without God, I think that I can honestly say that I would be amoral, rebel without a cause. This is really truly difficult for me: this holding on to truth, life, and just goodness. I am so scared. Yet, I know instinctively that I shouldn’t be, because that is being hypocritical of the trust I boast about putting in God. Lord please be patient. I try. The world just seems so lonely sometimes. Like this poem I heard by Shane Koyczan today that talked about how loneliness is a strange thing because we all spend so much time at it, that some of us actually excel in it, but yet that none of us will ever be graceful at it. I think that is so apt but I can’t seem to find the words. If you know them please send me the link. Sorry about this strange depressed rambling entry.

I intended to write this nice long entry about friendships and stuff. Bugger, got very de-railed. Anyway, I was thinking about relationships (the regular platonic kind) and friendships and well, depressingly, how to tell if they are going to end or if they will last (I explained my penchant for the melodramatic right?) and well anyway, I came to this conclusion: people are about simple everyday things. There will always be extraordinary circumstances under which you will feel extreme emotions, but these are rarely representative of the regular. Most times, long standing relationships epitomize “nice” – moderate, not passionate, not intense, but sustainable over long periods of time. But life is made up of several shortcuts right? Several intense clips all jammed together like a badly pasted anthology. That’s where our extremes come from. But they are unsustainable, emotions that rarely crossover from clip to clip. Almost like Tamsin versus those Eustacia-esque moments. To think that Hardy’s pessimistic industrial outlook would still be very relevant to our lives.

Sorry for the randomness. I feel a bit like a bad juke box.

Me and Bobby McGee

2005-09-03T00:22:00.000+08:00

People are like onions. Maybe that's why they make us cry. Hit by the potent stench of recognition. It’s the layers that get you in the end, peeling them back that causes the onion to screw your tear glands over.

“When you slice through an onion, you break open a number of onion cells. Some of these cells have enzymes inside of them, and when they are sliced open, the enzymes escape. The enzymes then decompose some of the other substances that have escaped from sliced cells. Some of these substances, amino acid sulfoxides, form sulfenic acids, which then quickly rearrange themselves into a volatile gas.

The gas reaches your eyes and reacts with the water that keeps them moist. This changes the chemical's form again, producing, among other things, a mild sulfuric acid, which irritates the eyes. The nerve endings in your eyes are very sensitive and so they pick up on this irritation (this is why our eyes sting when we slice onions). The brain reacts by telling your tear ducts to produce more water, to dilute the irritating acid so the eyes are protected. Your other reaction is probably to rub your eyes, but this will actually make the irritation a lot worse, of course, if you have onion juices all over your hands” – howitworks.com

You see! You see! People are far too complicated for their own good.

Know the most bizarre thing though? Simple, plain, in your face humanity is far less pretty to deal with. Be careful what you wish for.

Here with me - the bloody irony

2005-09-02T01:08:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I get so angry with you guys it makes my blood boil. It doesn’t really but I just needed to say that. Instead I just feel sad. And then I feel needy and stupid for feeling sad. And then I (once again) decide to be independent and leave you alone so that you’ll all figure out that you need me and then come rushing back to me. And that inspires me to the border of anger. But even then. Bugger.

Then other times I realise that we’re all insecure, we just show it in different ways: lashing out, bravado, humour and what have you. So I hope that answers your question.

I don’t understand why I have so many Christmas songs. My player’s on the random play option you see. It seems to favour dance tracks and holiday tunes, which is completely irrelevant to anything in my life of course. If God’s speaking to me I doubt it’s through the music. Like “cure for the itch”. Like what the hell is that.

Faith.It was a toss up between Auld Lang Syne and Faith like a child. So you understand, the lesser of two evils.

2005-09-02T00:38:00.000+08:00

I think that I’m naturally inclined to misery. I think we all are. I have these recurring images of me breaking up with a boyfriend I don’t even have. It’s like I need to miserable. The melodrama makes my life mean something. Maybe. I suppose that at some point we all need to learn that only sad housewives and maids watch daytime TV, and that Soaps are not at the popular height they were at with the bold and the beautiful. Like when _ asked me once why we’re just so damn over-dramatic, after I explained that it’s just a surface thing. Because that implies that inside we’re dead. More drama.

Oh god, I’m starting to sound like_. Bloody …

I remember the family tree _ and I made in sec 1 for the characters from Days of Our Lives. It got too complicated after a while so we gave up: far too much incest.

Like Egdon Heath. With it’s face “full of tragical possibilities”. And Eustacia Vye whose great dream was “ to be loved to madness”. You see, everyone is contrary… Happiness is mildly unsettling.

I truly do not understand how I came to acquire so many bubble gum pop and elevator jazz songs. Truly.

wish you were here

2005-09-01T00:52:00.000+08:00

Sometimes just your existing can make me smile. Does that sound insane? I hope not. Thing is, now I’m pretty much affirmative that I’m just in love with the dream, the idea of you. Seems so bloody cliché. I suppose you know you have become that when everything you write can be summarised by some soda pop song, played in strange fast food joints on old top 40s shows. That's why I think I need to say good-bye. Don’t get me wrong. It's actually scarily comfortable being in love with a vision. You really believe in it; you get to experience the whole range of emotions. Just imposition. At base, men can be divided into about five basic stereotypes. 1. The bad-boy who's just dying to be saved (several time people's choice awardee!), 2. the saint, protector of all small animals, often bizarre things like cockroaches included, 3. the strange science guy to pseudo intellectual types, often disenfranchised, yet firm believers in their causes, 4. the jocks: the men that hide behind high talk and much bravado, appear too stupid to care but who knows and 5. the girl’s-best-friend-I-completely-understand types. Of course there are exceptions and more often than not there are compromises. I think first loves are always however stereotypes. Before you’re old enough to understand nuance and suggestion, the first is often a product of your own imagination. So maybe that’s why. Because I will always love you for what you are not, and worse, what you cannot be.

On a completely unrelated note, I think the word tactile is fabulous. I have spent a lot of time thinking about this now, about the significance of touch: how much it means, how much it suggests, how much we require it. And I suppose that there is no other way to encompasses everything so completely emotive in such a simple way, so clean, clinical, effective- tactile. Sometimes I think that if I could just touch you, hold you, kiss you, that everything would be better. But you know, every you refers to a different person, and that’s how I suppose I now, with absolute certainty, that what I believe is not true.