Swans(life after death) , The Islands.

I've had so many entries to write over the last two weeks but now they're all disappeared. Black vesper’s pageants. heh. You see last week or some incredibly long time ago, after my com had just returned from the shop and another one of it's sick visits, it refused to stay on when turned on. The screen would come on for five seconds and then just suddenly die. The only way to resuscitate was to turn the screen of and then on again. But seriously how practical is that when trying to watch something like the OC. So, being the incompetent pigs that we are, my dad and I leave it off and wait for my mum to return. Four days into the fast and she does, and takes the monitor to the shop. Five days later they declare it to be in perfect health. So she takes the CPU. A day later, same verdict. So she pays the guy another hundred to come over and look at it in it's natural environment. And surprise surprise, he declares it to be fine. So my computer has joined everything else in my house, including the dog and the remote, in their design to drive us mad. Sigh. I had 40 pieces of mail. 40! Take that you stupid computer!

Anyway, the whole concept of going to university has become mind boggling to me. That a piece of paper could dictate your whole life. And determine whether you will be rich or poor. haggard or smart. happy or miserable. But then perhaps that is true of all our decisions, even the ones we don't notice like deciding to send a message or withholding a compliment or taking the bus instead of a cab. I think that perhaps the God factor is the only thing that sustains me amidst the randomness of life. haha but even when I was a kid I had really strange paranoias. Like what if God accidentally gives me someone else's fate, and I’m stuck with the wrong life. A life I was not created to withstand. As foolish as it may sound now you have to admit it explains most suicides. But I suppose well, maybe, just maybe, I might be wrong about that.

Oh and my baby has gone away! slowly but surely my support system is falling apart. I need new friends and I need them now. Should have traded my stupid friends in when they were worth more but now they're all leaving. The only people who are staying seem to be Rit, Tiff, Jo and Dawn. And Jo and Dawn are going to NTU!!! Which is FAR away! Sigh.

Well, anyway since I couldn't type this on wed night I suppose the rest of this entry should be dedicated to my baby. Because you think in strange insane ways and concoct unimaginable stereo types about Tamil tiger gangster girls and creatures. Because you could hold entire conversations about your toes, which are possibly the smallest visible, discussable body part. Because you could sing songs in public but were far too shy to discuss any matter one on one with a stranger. Because you attempted to limit my alcohol intake. Because you never yelled at me when you had to work with me and lead alongside me ( a punishment that should go right up there with hell). Because you'll be upset with the grammar in this paragraph and how I've stared everything with because. Because you were infinitely special and in loving me you made me special too. Because, in Dawn or Rachael's words (I'm not sure which) you light up our lives. And because of all this and so much more, yesterday, as I went past your house, as I walked into your office building I wanted to bawl (but thankfully in the presence of so many strange foreign people, didn't). And I will always miss you, just because you were our cow and now you will go off and be someone else's and it will never be the same again (though not in a Mel C way although now that awful song is playing in my head). But really all I wanted to say my darling, was thank you: for being there. For helping me survive my insanity. For never allowing me to feel paranoid about you. For giving me the strength to live without you.

unoriginal sin

You Are Barney

You could have been an intellectual leader... Instead, your whole life is an homage to beer You will be remembered for: your beautiful singing voice and your burps Your life philosophy: "There's nothing like beer to give you that inflated sense of self-esteem."

The Simpsons Personality Test