I'm just filled with an overwhelming love for the world at large. Actually i think it's my medication giving me very strange mood swings. Just now it mad feel like a strange love sick puppy dog. I want to stop being sick now! now now now! You know how at the end of some tv programmes, those narrated ones, they always have like some lesson learnt, some philosophical quote or something? Like Grey's anatomy? Or that old Claire Daines drama series where she has dark hair? Blogs are like that in a way right? Our own little buy in? Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth. Anyway, partly because I grew up alone, mostly because I’m partially insane, like I think my consciousness plays it's own soundtrack in my mind at the end of a particularly trying day, and I stand outside myself and almost watch my life like it's on television, and I don't even own it anymore you know, just an offering now to the gods of experience if that makes any sense at all. I wonder if my life was on TV if I'd get good ratings. Think it'd be like Joan or the Gilmore girls type but with a far smaller following of a select few faithful fans who'll show the reruns to their children. The rather dull (actually) life of a neurotic over-worked idiot teenager. I need a cool side kick. That’s what’s missing.
Went to Harry’s yesterday to see Tanya. Really it’s like standing in the presence of greatness. They’re just such great show people. Sigh.
Oh and I had my first tuition session today!! This primary 6 girl. She’s like seriously pretty. But well I feel like I can look into her little soul and with my great visionary powers prophesy that she’ll become some rockers girl friend at fourteen, just pass her n levels, drop out before taking the O levels and end up a waitress at a nice hotel for just over a thousand dollars a month, married at 24, child in saddle. Isn’t it awful that I stereotype so? But really I think with very very good luck she’ll be an airhostess maybe. Just maybe. And it’s not that there’s anything wrong with that kind of life mind you, I mean her satisfaction level may well be higher than mine, but I guess it’s just the way we’re wired now, to associate success with maximizing ones academic potential and ignoring all our potential for love and affection and goodness but yea, I guess it would just be nice if she could grow up and be like an MP or something. You know, maybe we only want people to be successful because it somehow validates our own existence. That we made a difference in someone else’s life and they became great so even if we’re not great well we still made that difference. You know? Like what the food counter people at Bill Gates’ summer school who have at best had one five-minute conversation with him about old cheese can say to themselves. Except that it probably doesn’t even occur to them really. We just imagine that it should. Does that make sense?
